As I have said before, one of the unexpected delights of the Oyster World Rally has been the beautiful people we are getting to know. While much of what I say applies to the entire fleet, male and female, including crew, this post is devoted to “the Pearls. ” Coined by the incomparable Mary from Ostara, this is the moniker for the women owners/partners of the Rally.
The Pearls in Bora Bora (June 9th, 2024)
Looking back, I knew our affinity wasn’t inevitable. Call it the curse of expertise, as a former pollster and professional facilitator steeped in group dynamics, I did a quick psychographic segmentation in my head and feared the odds were not in our favour.
Not only are we different ages (+/- a decade), hail from different cultures—from Estonia to Essex (an English joke:)— and have varied career and family backgrounds, sailing wasn’t even a shared interest. Apart from a few experienced cruisers and myself growing up racing sailboats, most of our group were green-but-game to join their spouses while a few were very clear about not even liking sailing, an opinion that only solidified after every long passage. The upshot being, unlike our partners, we couldn’t rely on (or hide behind) what Anne of Rocklobster hilariously calls “ship-fuckery” talk to forge our bonds.
Yet early on, I think we all recognized the special potential for our group, damnation to the stupid statistics! We did have this unbelievable adventure in common, which might explain why any clique-like behavior and social awkwardness was minimized from the start.
The first indicator for me was when I met Helena from Mastegot at a Southampton OWR seminar the spring before. She declared, oracle-like with a wise twinkle her eye, that we were “interesting and powerful women.” We should trust in that, she implied, trust that our social alchemy will grow into something beautiful.
And it did. Nowhere was this most evident than during the inaugural “Ladies lunch” in Bora Bora on June 9th, 2024. Organized by Martina and Mary (Atalia and Ostara respectively), it was held at the St James Restaurant, one of the better fares on this iconic island.
Though heavy rains had blocked the iconic Bora Bora peaks for days, we made our own weather that day full of warmth, whimsy and lots of wine! Because of different itineraries, delays, or other diversions, it can be weeks or more before we see a person, let alone gather as a full group. So as we sat down at the table, reconnecting felt delightfully fresh and genuine, even emotional, which surprised me in the best possible way.
Indeed, these excellent snapshots by Sophie from Babiana barely capture how good it felt just being together. Though hard to describe, there was a somatic sense of relief in the air. More than a regular ladies lunch back at home, this was a well-needed respite from our boat roles and dynamics, where we could relax and let loose. More than previous gatherings, it felt like a safe place where we could share everything from our cruising highlights to commiserations over whatever crisis or crazy thing that was happening in our lives.
In that moment, I felt the beautiful simplicity in this. Wonderfully uncomplicated compared to many social and professional settings, we had no agenda or thing we needed to do or accomplish, except enjoy each other’s company. In that moment, it was clear that our camaraderie was deepening into something else: real connection, care and curiosity about each other.
Photos above: Sophie Ward from Babiana, our informal chronicler
I noticed something remarkable at this gathering as well… and, come to think of it, at every gathering since. While we are a chatty bunch, we also don’t have to talk much either. Given the fact that we are multi-lingual group, this is a good thing. English is not easy for everyone, but that’s beside the point: even speaking in our native tongues can be a challenge. Given the intensity of this experience, words often fall short.
In these instances, all that is required is a heartfelt “how are you?” or a knowing look or an affectionate hug can energetically communicate all that needs to be said. Just bearing witness to whatever we are doing or going through— from the extraordinary to the banal —is the gift we all bring to the table.
Back to the lunch. It was also very fun and silly. As the food and conversation flowed, time stretched languorously and nonlinearly. All of a sudden, it was 6pm! At some point, we doubled in size after we ‘allowed’ our lovely men to join us. Eagerly and circumspectly, I found it endearing how they slowly appeared out of the wood work, by land and water, like they were waiting for a special signal, clearly not wanting to miss out on the frivolities, but also a little wary about entering our highly-charged female space. For Helena’s intuition was absolutely right: powerful and interesting women we all are. Especially as a group.
Maybe it was the moon that night, or the stormy weather before, or the free flowing wine but soon the festivities spontaneously escalated in a way that no planned party can ever match. As the stories of our lives continued to be told, more intimacies revealed, more hopes and hilarities shared, our resident fleet DJ Carlos from Ahlam took it to the next level by starting up the lap dancing. Gaby from Mexican Wave bravely showed us how it was done. Suffice to say, these videos shall remain between us Pearls 🙂
To close this homage, like our namesake, I think with our grit comes an inner gorgeousness. And though new groups like ours are inherently fragile in their early formation and nothing is guaranteed when it comes to the messy world of human relationships, and while nothing will replace our besties at home (relationships are not zero-sum, the heart’s capacity is enormous), I trust in the social process we are on. I trust that it will keep polishing us even more brilliantly as we move through this journey together, especially if we all want it to.
Photo: Our next gen of future women from Skana & Serafina respectively who also bonded beautifully